Approaching Intelligence
by PeachyStone
Summary: On the way to Hokkaido, a special couple get lost. Along the way, Fuuko proves to a certain someone that there's more to her brain than empty spaces...


A/N: Well here I am again… I had to delete my other FOR fanfic cause it was just _terrible_…Yeah, I'm KleenchyWhite, the twelve year old. The plot was screwed up, my sentences got jumbled up, I couldn't think of an ending, and I just couldn't make a proper angst ToFuu fanfic.

I have watched too many humor videos, and therefore my IQ has now dropped 10 notches lower. The perfect time to make a humor fic.

So here it is. Read and feel the power.

* * *

The fresh morning air was crisp and beautiful and trees blurred around them as they drove along the declining road. The flimsy air whisked their hair with wind, and had it not been for the tense atmosphere between the two, they would've had a peachy experience leaning back and enjoying the weather.

Think of all the possibilities they had today. They could eat in the most well-appointed of restaurants; Fuuko would guzzle anything that came her way, while Tokiya would joke that she had some eating disorder, and then a food fight would ensue.

They could spend the day cuddling, hugging and smothering each other until they died of suffocation.

They could rob a bank! Or a car warehouse! Or a fast food store and steal all the donuts, and have a blast running away from the police.

They could spend their entire night at parties; Fuuko would drink and lose all the little intelligence she had left, while Tokiya would snicker at her self-control when he stepped on her foot while dancing. He'd also gripe that instead of a lady on his arms, he had a huge bullfrog.

Tokiya woke up with super glue all over his body the last time that happened.

They could spend the entire night watching the moonlight cast its luminescent glow on patches of earth before them. The aromatic fragrance of daisies and roses would caress their noses, fireflies would light their evening like candles, a wave of stars would flicker like diamonds in the night sky, and mockingbirds would sing melodies while they just sat there, being disgustingly OOC.

Wherever they'd go they would have the time of their lives.

Unfortunately, Fuuko's atrocious crimes had taken their toll on destiny.

And here they were. With their plans entirely spoiled, they were quarreling about absolutely nothing at all. Fuuko was a wreck. Her thoughts swirled like a furious vortex.

So she bought the wrong map, so what? It wasn't her fault Tokiya couldn't read.

Well okay, she bought the wrong language too, which caused them to get lost on a whole other side of Japan, instead of Okinawa.

He'd get over it. It was just a bad case of serendipity…then again it could be that small bend on the road of fate threatening to tear them apart forever.

But that was what Tokiya was here for! Analyzing and other crap. He was the brains, and she was the beauty. Beauty and the Geek. It made sense.

"By Buddha's balls, why on earth did u pick the wrong map? Is your mind anywhere else besides the gutter?" he grumbled, nails scratching deeper onto the wheel. "If you had anything even approaching intelligence you would've looked at the friggin' sign that said **JAPANESE MAPS**!"

Although Tokiya's voice had a way of wriggling itself into a person's brain…for once, she managed to ignore him.

Well—ever since they were together—Tokiya often went on and on about how she could be so beautiful and yet so stupid at the same time. In fury that she had been reduced to an idiot, she retorted by saying that Buddha made her beautiful and stupid so that Tokiya could fall in love with her, without her falling in love with him.

Oh she'd show him someday…

One day they'd switch roles; she'd be the smartass and he'd be the total dunderhead.

She looked at him and felt a smile twisting its way up. Too bad it was a schizophrenic smile made from the beautiful thoughts of feeding Tokiya to alligators and piranhas.

When he looked back at her however, she found herself drowning in those familiar pools of baby blue that always made her interested in the weather.

Not.

At his sudden action, she looked away, finding the dead dear along the road more interesting to look at than Tokiya. So much for melting away all her troubles.

She couldn't say she saw anger in his eyes because all she saw was blue, but she knew how he was. She felt her muscles clench around her jaw and her teeth clattered together in vexation. It just wasn't fair.

She eyed the engine wistfully, willing it to catch on fire and burn Tokiya. It took all of her willpower not to strangle the ice penguin beside her.

Damn that jerk to the bleakest levels of the afterlife! If looks could kill, Tokiya would NOT be buried six feet underground—no—he would have been cremated by her fury long, long ago.

Where was the acceptance and understanding, damnit! It was just a map for crying out loud! It wasn't a big deal! They handled worse before! They'd work it out together, like they always did…

Even if her horizons did broaden because of Tokiya, and the stuff she always thought was junk suddenly did become enjoyable, she still hated his guts. She could never look at him without seeing him with a smirk and a stick up his ass.

Even if that last one was thought figuratively, it still gave her nightmares.

Sighing, she gave up and collapsed on the seat, "With all that's been happening, I think I'm slowly losing my mind," her shoulders sagged dejectedly.

"You mean it was still there?"

Fuuko wondered how Ganko would ever survive without her should she spare her mind and kill herself.

She tried to come up with a comeback—she really did—but her traumatized mind failed her. She finally decided that getting Tokiya to apologize was like getting blood from a rock, and remained silent.

She probably looked like a sad clown.

Tokiya—just like Fuuko—wasn't doing so well. With narrowed eyes, he looked like the Brock dude from Pokemon.

If he was going to be with Fuuko for the rest of his life—which was pretty long—he expected perfection. His life was already busted enough with everyone around him dying. He never tolerated mediocrity, and wasn't about to start now.

But then again, maybe he _was_ taking this a little too hard.

He groaned, "I'm such an asshole."

"An asshole I'm very familiar with," Fuuko replied. Chewing the insides of her cheek, she asked, "Mi-chan, why are you doing this?"

"Because you're beautiful and charming, and I can't stop thinking about you. Screw this, let's just forget this ever happened and move on together."

No, he didn't say that. Not exactly, anyway. What Fuuko really heard from him was, "Why I'm driving for you? No idea."

She saw red, "ARGH! You know exactly what I mean!" Fuuko seethed, a look of indignation written across her face as she glared up at him, "Why are you twisting this into something entirely different? It's just a friggin' map!"

"A map that lead us to a barnyard instead of a beach!" Tokiya yelled, stabbing at the air dramatically and pointing to a nearby farm. There—a few blocks away—indeed stood a barn. Then he took on a look of thoughtfulness, "On the other hand, I take that back, I see a beach right now."

"I don't know if you're talking about my eyes reminding you of a beach, or me reminding you of a _bitch_, but I am _so_ burning your stupid _wig_ when we get home."

Tokiya—suddenly scolded in silence—decided to try again, "Didn't your mother ever tell you that it was dangerous to goad the rattlesnake? Its bite is deadly and can kill—and this particular rattlesnake has no qualms about killing. It has done it before and will do it again in the future," he hissed, threats lacing his voice.

Fuuko stared at him lazily, "Whatever you fat bitch."

Endeavor broken, Tokiya gagged, "What the hell did you just say!"

"I said I have a back itch."

Tokiya was so angry; he looked like a stop sign. In a vain attempt to outwit Fuuko, he glared down at her, a bit of antipathy tainting his facial features.

Fuuko groaned, "Ugh…I'm hungry…"

Tokiya stared at her, "You mind not looking at me while saying that?"

He didn't know what possessed him to suddenly turn left and look at the farm, but he thanked whoever did. He saw chickens, cows and a pig eating out of a trough. The pig was strangely purple, and had mucky fluids smeared all over it while it wolfed ravenously from its trough. The chickens seemed to have a lot of red feathers, while the cows had huge udders.

Strangely, Fuuko came to mind.

Forgetting his quandary earlier and inwardly giving himself a pat on the back for being such a genius, he removed his foot from the pedal completely until their car receded to a sharp halt.

Fuuko's body shot up as the car stopped abruptly, her head barely missing the car's ceiling, "Mi-chan, what the hell's going on?" she snapped.

Tokiya smirked. Time to toss in a little more wood for the fire.

He pointed at the red chickens, purple pig and the cow with the big udders, "Look, it's your relatives."

She arched an inquisitive eyebrow, "Well, of course they are."

Tokiya's eyes bulged out. "Wha—?" he questioned, voice dropping a notch lower.

"They're my in-laws."

Tokiya's reaction: Priceless.

* * *

A/N: To all those who don't know what 'in-laws' mean, examples are sister-in-law, brother-in-law etc. You see, Tokiya and Fuuko are a couple, and therefore they have in-laws.

Tokiya's mother is Fuuko's mother-in-law. Fuuko's father is Tokiya's father-in-law. So the last sentence was a pretty hard blow for Tokiya, since Fuuko's sister-in-law was his sister, Mifuyu.

So as stated by Fuuko, Mifuyu is the relative of those cows, pigs and chickens…

O.O Ouch…


End file.
